The Wilderness of Testing

This is a difficult season in my life and ministry. For the past few months, my schedule has exhausted me. In July I dealt with the accident with my sailboat and the subsequent repairs. The marina where the boat was stored was two hours and forty-five minutes from home, complicating matters. I worked full-time in construction, remodeling homes, to raise the funds for the rudder repair. I spent my evenings preparing my home for the tourist rental market as I made the move to living aboard the sailboat. I tried to maintain the ministry. I worked six days a week, ten to twelve hours a day, for almost five months. In the middle of all this, I rode out Hurricane Irma at home, and dealt with issues related to the storm for days before and after the storm. The ministry feels like it is on autopilot. Physically, spiritually, and emotionally, I am spent.

I struggled to maintain my relationship with God. I spent time in the Word, but it felt dry and uninspired. I talked with God about it, but even those conversations felt empty.

During this time, I also experienced lustful thoughts far beyond normal temptations. I’m used to the usual thoughts we all have as guys, but this was different. I mentioned to several friends how shocking these thoughts were. In my whole life, I don’t think I’ve ever before entertained such thoughts. The temptation was so strong that for a moment I even considered walking away from the ministry to fulfill it. The next moment I had clarity and shuddered to think I would even consider such things. It frightened me that I could even think that way.

In all, the past months felt different from anything I’ve ever experienced in my relationship with God. Something was going on, but I was not sure what it was. I plodded on in my relationship with God, still spending time in the Word, still finding time to talk with him, but struggling throughout.

Last week, in the midst of all this, I heard the still small voice of God. “Tim,” he said, “you need to be very careful. This is not just a ‘Valley of Wait’ that you are in. I have led you to a Wilderness of Testing.” It was a quiet word to my spirit, but it felt as if it were shouted to me. This changed everything. For a moment, I saw the context of what has transpired over the past months. Oddly, I was greatly encouraged.

I looked in Scripture at others whom God led into the Wilderness of Testing. Jesus is the most obvious example. I started there. Matthew’s account resonated with me. This is what it says:

Then Jesus was led up by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. And after fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. And the tempter came and said to him, “If you are the Son of God, command these stones to become loaves of bread.”

But he answered, “It is written, ‘Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.’”

Then the devil took him to the holy city and set him on the pinnacle of the temple and said to him, “If you are the Son of God, throw yourself down, for it is written, ‘He will command his angels concerning you,’ and ‘On their hands they will bear you up, lest you strike your foot against a stone.’”

Jesus said to him, “Again it is written, ‘You shall not put the Lord your God to the test.’”

Again, the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their glory. And he said to him, “All these I will give you, if you will fall down and worship me.”

Then Jesus said to him, “Be gone, Satan! For it is written, ‘You shall worship the Lord your God and him only shall you serve.’”

Then the devil left him, and behold, angels came and were ministering to him. (Matthew 4:1-11, ESV)

I find this passage intriguing. The first thing I noticed is how Jesus was led by the Holy Spirit to the Wilderness of Testing. This is important. It was not accidental that he was in this place. He followed the leading of the Holy Spirit into the wilderness. It was purposeful. This gives a sense of purpose to all I experienced over the past six months. There is a reason, even if I do not yet know what it is. It is not merely a season of waiting.

The next thought that stood out to me was how the enemy came at the moment when Jesus was physically spent. Jesus had fasted for forty days prior to this trial. Surely he was physically exhausted. In this place of need the enemy approached. He began by questioning Jesus’ identity. He said, “If you are the son of God….” This is often the core question Satan asks of you and me. He tries to question our identity. “Are you actually a follower of Christ?” he asks. “Are you actually a son of God? If you are, then why do you feel the way you do?”

But the enemy also struck where he suspected Jesus had the greatest need. “Go ahead. Turn these stones into bread. You’re hungry. You deserve it.” This may explain the lustful thoughts I experienced. It is the one area of my life I struggle with the most. On a regular day I want to experience the fulfillment of the normal physical desires God created within me. But when I am tired and “hungry,” the temptation is more difficult to resist. It is likely the enemy will strike in the area where our felt needs are greatest.

Gratefully, Jesus responded with clarity as an example for us to follow. He said, “It is written, ‘Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God” (Matthew 4:4, ESV).

It is significant that he refuted the enemy with Scripture. Jesus quoted from a passage in Deuteronomy 8. Let’s take a moment to look at the passage. Moses addresses the nation of Israel as they look forward to the fulfillment of the promise of God to give them the land. Here is the full context:

And you shall remember the whole way that the LORD your God has led you these forty years in the wilderness, that he might humble you, testing you to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep his commandments or not. And he humbled you and let you hunger and fed you with manna, which you did not know, nor did your fathers know, that he might make you know that man does not live by bread alone, but man lives by every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD. (Deuteronomy 8:2-3, ESV)

Moses’ words give greater understanding to the purposes of the Wilderness of Testing. It is a place of humbling. It reveals what is in our hearts, and expands our understanding of our relationship with God.

This season certainly humbled me. There can be a subtle pride in saying I am full-time in ministry. It sounds successful. To work full-time outside of the ministry humbled me. I was confident God orchestrated the work for me as a way of providing for the repair of the boat, but it was humbling at the same time. This time also revealed what is in my heart. As a result, I have grown deeply in my understanding of my relationship with God. I mentioned in a previous blog the powerful truth that it is better to love God than to try to understand him. For me, this is a deepening of my faith in God and in his faithfulness and love to me.

It is also significant to realize the Israelites were looking forward to the Promised Land. They had not yet taken possession of it. The path to the Promised Land for the Israelites led through the wilderness. Often, in our lives, the path to a promise leads through a Wilderness of Testing. Perhaps you can relate. I continue to believe my best days of ministry are still to come. There is no logical reason to believe this. My ministry schedule is lighter than at any other time in thirty years of ministry. But I believe I have yet to see all God intends to do through my life and ministry. I look forward to the Promised Land. I focus on what is to come, not on what has passed.

There is much more to discuss. We have only tapped the first section of the wilderness experience of Jesus. I will expand on this in future blogs. For now, allow me to pause here and reiterate the lessons God is teaching me to this point.

You are where you are by God’s design. As we follow Jesus, sometimes this means he will lead us by the Holy Spirit into a Wilderness of Testing. It is difficult, but it is by design. Take comfort in knowing you are where you are for a purpose, even if you do not yet know what that purpose is.
The enemy will likely strike when you are exhausted emotionally, physically, or spiritually. Be extremely careful in those dangerous moments when you are spent.
Guard your identity. You are a child of the most-high God. Never forget this. Commit to spending time in your relationship with God even when you don’t feel like it. Your relationship with God is by grace through faith in Jesus Christ alone. It is not based on your emotions. How you feel has nothing to do with your identity. When you are spent, crawl onto God’s lap and let him hold you close.
Embrace humility. The Wilderness of Testing is designed to humble you. Identify areas where pride has crept in. Confess it to God. Welcome humility.
Look forward as you endure today. The path to a promise often leads through a Wilderness of Testing. Let hope reign as you wait for relief.

I am greatly encouraged as I continue to walk through this season. Recently there is a freshness to my relationship with God as I contemplate what it means to navigate a Wilderness of Testing. I have raised my guard. I am on high alert. I am also filled with hope. At this time, I have no construction projects on my schedule. I am slowly able to focus on ministry again. The sailboat is now repaired and safely in its new home here in Southwest Florida. I moved out of my home and onto the sailboat. The house is now in the rental market. And Hurricane season ended November 30! Hope reigns.

I wonder where you are in your relationship with God. Do you love him? Apart from my relationship with God, I do not know how I would have navigated these days. Are you in a Wilderness of Testing? Are you spent from the trials that have come into your life? God longs to meet you in the midst of your situation to remind you that you are his child. Let him pull you up unto his lap. His love for you is greater than any sin you have done. He offers forgiveness when we confess our failures to him. He rushes into our brokenness with healing and comfort. Find hope in him alone.

For me, it is a Wilderness of Testing. I look forward to sharing more from the Wilderness in the days to come.

I always enjoy reading your comments. Feel free to post your thoughts below.

Oct 12

2017

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By Timothy Mark

In Uncategorized

Tags presence of God Relationship with God Rest storms Tests Trials

The Presence of God in the Midst of the Storm

Terror gripped the men. The storm was upon them. Wave upon wave crested over the bulwarks of the boat. The men bailed as quickly as they could. But just when they thought they were gaining on the deluge, the bow pitched steeply into the sea, and another wave swept across the sides. Their backs ached. Their arms cramped in dissent. But there was no time to protest. The wind screeched and howled as it slammed upon the vessel. And with each lurch of the boat, the contents sloshed from one end to the other, thudding against the hull. The storm was gradually winning.

Oddly, one man lay asleep in the stern. The teacher. The Rabi. Oblivious in the midst of the gale. No one wanted to wake him, but the situation was dire. Finally one of the men shook him by the shoulder, and Jesus awoke to see all the men staring at him.

“Teacher,” the man pleaded, “do you not care that we are perishing? Save us, Lord!”

Jesus propped himself up on one arm. He looked up from his seat and surveyed the faces of the men. Anxious, terrified, frightened eyes stared back. Finally he spoke. “Why are you so afraid? Have you still no faith?”

Slowly Jesus rose, his robe whipping in the wind. He turned his back to the men and faced the sea, the wind blowing directly into his face. “Peace! Be Still!” he shouted.

The wind died instantly. The waves took a moment to settle upon one another until at last the sea was glassy smooth. He smiled. Peace rested upon the water. The only sound was the trembling breath of the men as they stared at Jesus. A new fear gripped them. In the back of the group, one of the men whispered, “Who then is this, that even wind and sea obey him?” The realization was complete. They hardly knew him.

(Adapted from Matthew 8:23-27 and Mark 4:35-41, ESV.)

Storms have a unique way of revealing truth about God, while at the same time revealing how little we know about him. They leave us shaken and exhausted and weary. We turn to him in our chaos. We cry out for him to intercede. His response comforts and confuses at the same time. He calms the storm. In the light of his glory, we get a brief glimpse of who he is. At the same time we close our eyes and turn away, for we are blinded by it. We are stunned by the realization of how little we know and trust him.

When we find ourselves in a storm, the primary question we have is the same as the disciple asked of Jesus: “Do you not care?” It is the question at the heart of our concern. Does God care?

I appreciate that Jesus does not mock the disciple for questioning his love for them. God knows our humanity. He knows the times we question him. Instead of chiding, he calms the storm. God does care. In fact, the presence of the storm may show just how much he loves us. He longs to reveal more of himself to us and often uses a trial to bring us closer to himself. He is with us in the midst of the storm. His response to the storm is an example for all of us. He rests. He sleeps. He is not concerned. He is the God of the wind and the waves. Everything is in his control.

Once we understand God cares and is in control, we can join him in the stern of the boat. We can rest with him as the winds howl and the waves crash upon the hull.

The disciples were in shock when Jesus calmed the wind and the waves. They realized they knew little about Jesus. “Who then is this?” was their reply. In the midst of the storm we discover he is with us, and in the process we discover how little we know about him.

Last month, as Hurricane Irma was bearing down, I sent out a prayer request. As of 7:00 that morning, the projected path of the hurricane was directly over my home. At the time, it was a monster category 4 storm. My prayer was for a clear awareness of the presence of God with me, no matter what happened. I knew if I had a clear awareness of his presence, nothing else would matter.

After sending the request, there was nothing to do but wait for the storm to hit. I was unsettled at home alone, so I drove across town to have breakfast with friends. While we ate, one in the group received a text from a friend. It read, “Psalm 91.” I smiled when she shared it with the group because it is one of my favorite Psalms. Years ago I memorized it. It is loaded with promises. My favorite part of the Psalm is the ending. This is what it says:

“Because he holds fast to me in love, I will deliver him; I will protect him, because he knows my name. When he calls to me, I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble; I will rescue him and honor him. With long life I will satisfy him and show him my salvation” (Psalm 91:14-16, ESV).

When my friend read the text, God was reminding me of his protection and his presence. I was greatly encouraged.

I returned home as the winds continued to swell. Tropical storm force winds barreled down now-deserted streets. I checked email. Remember, I had sent out the prayer request a few hours earlier. Several folks had replied with words of encouragement. But oddly, the majority of the emails referenced a single passage of Scripture – Psalm 91! It was highly unusual for multiple people to reference the same passage. I love the way God orchestrates his word to us in such a way that we cannot miss what he is saying to us.

I sat at my laptop and smiled. I knew the presence of God was with me. If I were to lose everything in the storm, it would not matter because God was with me.

Twelve hours later, the eye of the storm passed to the east of my home and slowed to a category 2 storm by the time it churned past. There was still extensive damage in my area, but my home was not damaged. Trees fell. Some trees snapped in half. Power lines were torn from their poles. Some in my area were without power for more than a week. Debris littered the streets, but I was safe, and my home was not damaged.

I was exhausted. The storm had taken a toll on me, but God had carried me through. His response comforted me. At the same time, like our friends on the Sea of Galilee, it reminded me how little I understand him and trust him.

My friend, you may be in a storm as well. An unexpected trial has blown into your life. An infidelity is exposed. A porn addiction is revealed. A child runs away. A job is lost. An addiction is discovered. A relationship crumbles. There is no escape, only endurance fortified with hope.

Remember, God does care. Find him in the midst of the storm sleeping at the stern of the boat. Come to him. Rest in him. Recognize his presence with you. As he moves and calms the storm, press in to learn more about who he is. He longs to reveal more of himself to you. He cares for you. He is completely in control.

Find his presence with you in the midst of the storm, and find his presence is enough.

I always enjoy reading your comments. Feel free to post your thoughts below.

Sep 06

2017

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By Timothy Mark

In Uncategorized

Tags Anxiety brokenness circumstance Comfort Control created drawn closer fall short favor God God is at work God's Purpose Heart hurricane I am image Isaiah life Love loved overcoming providing purpose Rest Sailboat seasons soul sovereignty of God stand firm supreme theological terms Trials truth understand work

God Is Completely In Control

In July, I wrote we are freed from anxiety when we understand God owns everything, and we are merely the stewards of what he gives us to manage. As you know, the day after posting the article, my sailboat went aground in Lake Okeechobee. The rudder was severely damaged, and the vessel currently sits in long-term storage at a marina waiting for the repair. I am excited to see how God is at work in the situation. A few weeks ago I was asked to do a kitchen remodel for friends of mine. Another friend asked if I would help with their guest house remodel. Yet another friend asked if I would remodel their guest bathroom. Suddenly I had weeks of work lined up! God moved quickly to provide the work. This is the type of work I have done in the past to supplement my ministry income. Through the years, I’ve gutted two different personal properties and rebuilt them, so I have a lot of experience from which to draw. I am grateful God seems to be providing for the rudder by providing this work for me.

Understanding God’s ownership is the first step to overcoming anxiety. The next step is to understand God is fully in control. Not only does he own everything, he also controls everything. Nothing takes him by surprise. He is always in control of our circumstances. In theological terms, we call this the sovereignty of God. This one thought has saturated my mind in the past two months. God is sovereign. He is in control. I am not. And this is fine with me.

Let’s let God speak for himself in regards to this important truth. This is what he says through the prophet Isaiah:

Remember this and stand firm, recall it to mind, you transgressors, remember the former things of old; for I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is none like me, declaring the end from the beginning and from ancient times things not yet done, saying, “My counsel shall stand, and I will accomplish all my purpose,” calling a bird of prey from the east, the man of my counsel from a far country. I have spoken, and I will bring it to pass; I have purposed, and I will do it. (Isaiah 46:8-11, ESV)

Pause for a moment, and let those words saturate your soul. God declares of himself, “I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is none like me.” He is above all and over all. There is no one like him. He is supreme above all.

When we understand his sovereignty, we get a better picture of ourselves. We are not God. Our ways are not like his. We are created in the image of God, but we are not at all like him. We do not think like God, but we like to think we can understand him and his ways. Herein is where we struggle. We want to understand why trials fall upon us. We want to understand God’s purposes. We want to understand God. But is this even possible? I think not.

It is better to love God than to try to understand him. Perhaps this is where we fall short. We spend our days trying to understand him instead of just crawling up on his lap and enjoying him, loving him, pressing into him. Far better to enjoy his presence than to weary ourselves trying to understand what cannot be understood. In the end, he is God and there is no other. His ways are higher than ours.

God also declares his ways and purposes cannot be thwarted. He will do what he has set out to do. Nothing and no one can change this. He proclaims, “My counsel shall stand, and I will accomplish all my purpose… I have spoken, and I will bring it to pass; I have purposed, and I will do it” (Isaiah 46:10-11, ESV).

Ultimately, God’s purpose for my life is for me to love him with all my heart. This is his greatest desire for me. How God brings this about in my life may vary from one moment to the next. Sometimes there are seasons of favor when all is well. We celebrate these moments of the excess of God’s kindness in our lives. In the blessings, we are drawn closer to him. Other times he brings great trials, and in our brokenness we turn to him for comfort. God can use both seasons to draw us closer to himself. Whether he chooses to bless or to burden is not for us to know. It is only for us to know he waits with open arms to draw us to himself in either circumstance.

When God provided the sailboat for me, many remarked that it was the favor of God. What happened to God’s favor when the sailboat went aground? Was not this a moment of his favor as well? We recognize God’s favor when times are good, but when trials come, we are quick to forget he is always in control. What if God shows us the highest favor by allowing great trials into our lives, knowing they may draw us closer to himself?

Our trials bring great pause, because they contain the greatest choice we have to make. Will we choose to let the trial push us away from God and our relationship with him, or will we choose to crawl unto his lap instead?

I choose his lap. I am a child of the sovereign God. When I’ve skinned my knees, I just want to be held by him. And so I run to him. He pulls me up onto his lap, and holds me close to himself. This is enough for me. In that moment, I am loved, and I love him for it. I don’t even care if he tells me the greater purpose he is working out. I rest in the knowledge that he is sovereign. He is fully in control. I do not have to understand him and his ways in order to love him and feel loved by him.

My friend, are you in a season of favor, and all is well? Draw closer to God. Are you in a season of trial, and struggling to get through the day? Draw closer to God. Stop trying to understand what cannot be understood. Just love him. Let this be enough. God is sovereign, and he is also good. His purposes will not be thwarted, and neither will his love for you.

God is completely in control.

As I sit at my desk and write this, I am aware there is a hurricane in the Atlantic Ocean grinding its way toward my home. It will be interesting to see where God directs it. After all, he is sovereign.

I enjoy reading your thoughts. Please write your comments below.

Jul 08

2017

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By Timothy Mark

In Uncategorized

Tags Anxiety Catalina Control Peace Sailboat Trials Trust

The Anxiety Cure – Part 2

Towed off the rocks by Boat US.

On July 4 I posted the blog “The Anxiety Cure.” At the time of posting, I was on a Catalina 30 sailboat in the Okeechobee Waterway, transporting the vessel from St. Augustine, Florida to my home in Southwest Florida. In the blog I wrote about the importance of understanding that God owns all things, and we are merely the managers of the things he gives us. When we live this way, it frees us from anxiety.

The trip was one of the most exciting adventures I have ever undertaken. I was on the Atlantic Intracoastal Waterway for three and a half days. I was currently on the Okeechobee Waterway working my way across the state. The end of the journey was near. In three short days I would reach home. The following morning I made my way through the Port Mayaka lock and into Lake Okeechobee. Taking the rim route along the south border of the lake, I carefully navigated with GPS using a digital chart, following the marked channel on the map. Without warning I felt the keel strike a rock and then another. With a sickening grind, the boat lurched to a stop. I was stuck. I had grounded the vessel. I was greatly confused. I had followed the chart. How could I be grounded? I tried unsuccessfully to free the vessel, but it would not move.

I later found out from a local captain that the digital chart I was following had mismarked the channel. I had done everything I could to navigate the water safely. He said many other sailboats had gone aground in the same area. Without the channel marked correctly, it was just a matter of time before I grounded.

I called a tow boat to pull me off. In the process of pulling the boat off the rocks, the rudder post bent. As soon as I was free of the rocks, I tried the steering wheel, but it bound when I tried to turn it. I decided to have the boat towed back to a marina on the eastern branch of the waterway, about twelve miles back in Indiantown. At the marina, we pulled the boat out of the water to inspect the damage. It was bad. The rudder was severely damaged. The trip home came to a grinding halt.

They moved the boat to the work yard to see what was needed for the repair. I called a friend to come pick me up and take me home. It was a welcome sight to see his face. As we drove home we talked about the peace God had given me in spite of the chaos.

Now remember, the day before I had posted the blog about God’s owning everything. The entire trip, I felt a clear awareness of the presence of God. I saw his hand at work on a daily basis. Even when the boat grounded, I had a peace in knowing he was near. He had been with me through the entire trip, and he was still with me when I grounded.

At home, I took a day to get some much needed rest. Finally, with a cup of coffee, I enjoyed a long conversation with God. I am pleasantly surprised at my response to the entire situation. It is, in fact, God’s boat, not mine. We sat and talked about his boat and what he wanted to do with it. If he wants to provide the funds to repair it, it will cost this much. If he wants to put it in storage at the marina and repair it at some point in the future, it will cost this much. “You tell me what you want to do with your boat, and I will do what you want to do.” And I left it at that. I honestly do not care what he wants to do. What I care about is my relationship with him. The rest of my conversation with him was in regards to how much I love him and relish his love for me. He’s a good, good, father.

I am pleased with my response to this. I believe it is a test to see what I have learned. Do I really believe that God owns everything? Do I really believe that stewardship is the cure for anxiety? Yes, yes I do. And I am thrilled with the utter confidence that God is in complete control.

How exciting this has been. Not just the journey of the boat, but the journey my own relationship with God is taking. I am excited, content, full of joy and peace knowing he is fully in control. He is God, I am Tim. When he is ready for me to bring his boat to this side of the state, he will let me know. In the meantime, I have lots to do, and far more important things to pray about – influence, changed lives, relationship with God – the things that matter.

I enjoy reading your responses. Feel free to write your comments below.

May 03

2017

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By Timothy Mark

In Uncategorized

Tags Faith Moses Trials Trust Waiting

The Consequence of Unbelief

Moses rose from his sister’s grave and slowly walked back to the camp. He lowered his head as he made his way through the tents. He avoided making eye contact, but he could feel the people’s stares burrowing into him. The multitude he was tasked to lead had taken a toll on him. He was emotionally bankrupt. He had not even had time to mourn his sister’s death before the people were back to their bickering. Their squabbling was like a whining insect in his ear, always annoying with no way to make it stop. He had little left to give. He was extremely frustrated with them. But more importantly, he was frustrated with God.

His frustration with God was easy to understand. It was God who had called him to this miserable task. It was God who had led them into the wilderness. It was all God, but in the eyes of the people, it was all Moses’ fault. Now the whole congregation had assembled together against Moses and his brother Aaron. Their words were cruel and cutting as they heaped blame on him.

“Would that we had perished when our brothers perished before the Lord!” they sneered. “Why have you brought the assembly of the Lord into this wilderness, that we should die here, both we and our cattle? And why have you made us come up out of Egypt to bring us to this evil place? It is no place for grain or figs or vines or pomegranates, and there is no water to drink.”

Silently Moses and Aaron turned and went to the entrance of the tent of meeting. They fell on their faces, prostrate before God. In a moment, the glory of the Lord appeared to them. At last, God spoke.

“Take the staff, and assemble the congregation, you and your brother Aaron, and before their eyes tell the rock to yield its water. So you shall bring water out of the rock for them and give drink to the congregation and their cattle.”

Moses took the staff from before the LORD, as he commanded him. Then he and Aaron gathered the assembly together before the rock. Inside he was fuming. When at last silence spread across the group, he glared at them and shouted above the crowd, “Hear now, you rebels: shall we bring water for you out of this rock?”

At this, Moses lifted up the rod with his hand and struck the rock. A loud crack rang through the air. Again he lifted the rod and struck the rock, and again the blow reverberated through the air. The sound echoed across the wilderness. Immediately water gushed out. The thirsty throng surged forward, cupping the water in their hands, filling their parched mouths with the cool sweet water. A shout of joy erupted through the congregation as the water filled the pool below.

The sound of Moses’ striking the rock was also heard in heaven. But instead of joy, sadness began to seep from the throne room of heaven as God the Father considered the consequences of this singular act.

Finally God spoke to Moses and Aaron. “Because you did not believe in me, to uphold me as holy in the eyes of the people of Israel, therefore you shall not bring this assembly into the land that I have given them.”

The people drank like wild animals, oblivious to what had just transpired in the heavens. Moses slowly closed his eyes. A tear filled the corner of his eye. Finally it spilled over and traced a wet line down his weary, dusty cheek.

(Adapted from Numbers 20:1-12, ESV).

When I consider this period in Moses’ life, I am filled with sorrow. I cannot comprehend how devastated he must have felt. His sister Miriam had just died. The sand mounded on her grave had not even settled. Add to this the ongoing pressure of trying to lead a multitude of unruly people through the desert. Surely he was emotionally and physically drained. In his humanity, he did the unthinkable. Instead of following what God has said to do, he took matters into his own hands.

The consequence was staggering. Instead of joining the people when they finally took possession of the land that God had promised to them, he was only allowed to see the land from afar. He would not step one foot on the land. Can you imagine? After all the problems, all the complaining people, all the wandering, because of this one act he was not allowed to enter.

If you are like me, you question why this is such a big deal. Gratefully, in his response to Moses and Aaron, God tells us why this matters. This is what he says:

“Because you did not believe in me…”

Let that sink in for a moment. Do you understand the consequence of unbelief? Do you understand that when you chose to live your life apart from God’s design that there are consequences?

Trusting God is not optional. Following God is not discretionary. We don’t get to decide when it is right to obey, and when to do it in our own way. It is all or nothing. Doing the right thing in the wrong way is always the wrong thing to do.

As I walk by faith, I’ve chosen to live my life completely reliant upon God. Many years ago I made a commitment to rely solely upon him. As God has led me in my relationship with him, I do not share my needs with others. I bring my needs to him, and then I wait for him to provide however he sees fits. This is non-negotiable for me. It is not that I am more spiritual than others. In fact, it is the opposite. I know how unspiritual I can be! I know my humanity! I know I can make emotional decisions. I know that when I am physically exhausted I can make horrible choices. I’m aware that I can easily try to manipulate others to get what I want. I actually find security by following God in this way. It sets a boundary for me in my walk with God. It minimizes my humanity. Sometimes that means I have to wait. But for me, the difficulty of waiting on God is easier than dealing with the consequences of unbelief.

As we live by faith, you and I have similar opportunities presented to us. Like Moses, we hear the word of God. We move forward in faith, believing what God has said, he will do. Then trials heap upon us. We grow weary. We feel a deepening frustration. “What if…” We begin to doubt. It’s only human. My friend, in these moments be very, very careful. When you are emotionally drained, or when you are physically exhausted, the enemy will tempt you to take things into your own hands. These are the moments when the enemy will question your confidence in what God has said.

In these moments, choose to have confidence in the word of God. Believe that what he has said is true. He will be faithful. Wait patiently for him. Do what he says to do, when he says to do it.

Remember, the consequence of waiting is always better than the consequence of unbelief.

This article was originally published in the June 2016 Newsletter.

May 03

2017

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By Timothy Mark

In Uncategorized

Tags Hope Psalms Trials

The God Who Keeps Us

My life has been chaotic lately. I have too much on my plate. I struggle to juggle the various responsibilities of life and ministry. I’m just one guy trying to work, maintain a home, and spend time with family and friends, all the while writing, booking flights, answering email, preparing messages, and guiding a changing, growing ministry. It can feel a bit schizophrenic at times! Sometimes in the midst, my relationship with God gets pushed to the perimeter. I am, after all, only human. I begin to wonder if I am really where God wants me to be, or if I have somehow missed the path along the way. Is there something I should be doing differently? Perhaps you can relate.

This morning I read Psalm 121. It has been on my mind for several days now. As a child, I memorized verse one and two in the King James Version. It says this: “I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help. My help cometh from the LORD, which made heaven and earth” (Psalm 121:1-2, KJV). As I have been going about my work, those verses kept coming back to me. So this morning, I looked up the Psalm to see what the rest of the passage said. Likely a lesson would be waiting there for me.

Interestingly, the first two verses are the only verses in the Psalm that focus on my needs. The remainder of the Psalm focuses on who God is relative to my needs. Let me share the entire Psalm with you.

I lift up my eyes to the hills.
From where does my help come?
My help comes from the LORD, who made heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot be moved; he who keeps you will not slumber.
Behold, he who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.
The LORD is your keeper; the LORD is your shade on your right hand.
The sun shall not strike you by day, nor the moon by night.
The LORD will keep you from all evil; he will keep your life.
The LORD will keep your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forevermore.

(Psalm 121, ESV)

Did you see the shift? The focus turns to who God is. And the main thought the writer gives to us is that God is our keeper. If I were asked to list the main characteristics of God, I’m not sure if I would include “keeper” in the list. I would say he is all powerful, all knowing, and everywhere present. But “keeper” probably would not make my list. Yet this word is used six times in this short Psalm. That made me take notice, and I decided to dig a little deeper into the meaning.

The word for “keeper” in the Hebrew has the idea of protection, of guarding, or watching over something. It is used in other passages in regard to a shepherd as a keeper of the sheep. In this way, God is our keeper. He is our shepherd. He watches over us. He guards us. He protects us. He is a keeper of sheep. He is the one who protects the sheep from attack. He guides them to green pastures. He watches over them at night while they are sleeping. He makes sure they have all that they need.

Once I thought about God as a keeper of sheep, my mind went to Psalm 23, a psalm of David. This is what it says:

The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters.
He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the LORD forever. (Psalm 23, ESV)

We know many things about God. We are taught about him from our youngest days in Sunday School. But often we are disconnected between what we say we know about God, and applying that knowledge to our daily lives.

In North America, we strive for our goals and dreams. We are taught to work hard to achieve success. We may even have noble goals of serving God. It is good to work, but in our working let us remember that ultimately we are where we are because God purposes for us to be there. In those moments when you feel overwhelmed, God is still keeping you. This season of your life is merely a tick of the clock in the grand scale of eternity. It is a single stitch in the fabric of your entire life. Even when you do not realize it, God is always at work around you, keeping you exactly where you need to be. He guards you. He watches over you. He protects you. He guides you. He keeps you.

He keeps me, and that is enough. I can rest in his embrace. Take a deep breath. Let that thought saturate your day. Let his presence cover every moment of your chaotic world. He knows where you are going, and he is guarding you every step of the way. He understands your humanity. He embraces it. He embraces you.

In the midst of our busy lives, often it is difficult to look up from our needs to see our Keeper. The tendency is to focus on our needs instead of focusing on who God is. Wherever this finds you today, rest in the assurance that God is keeping you. He is guarding your way. He is watching over you. He sits by your bed at night, and watches you as you sleep. He is protecting you. He knows exactly where you are and where you are going.

My days are still full to the brim. I still feel pulled in ten different directions at the same time! But in the midst of the chaos, I am reminded that God is the God who keeps us. Rest in that comfort today.

This article was originally published in the April 2016 Newsletter.

May 03

2017

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By Timothy Mark

In Uncategorized

Tags Exodus Faith Hope Trials Trust

Moving Forward by Looking Back

He struggled to gain his balance as another blow landed upon his back. His body lurched forward, and he fell to the ground, blood dripping from his nose. Without pausing, the Egyptian taskmaster again brought the rod down hard upon him. He tried to crawl away to avoid the blows, but the taskmaster only smirked and hit him again. The beating was merciless. The Israelite foreman didn’t know how much more he could take. He lay exhausted on the ground, gasping for air. Every fiber within him burned. Finally there was a pause. A sickening silence hung in the air. At last the taskmaster tossed the rod aside. It landed beside him with a thud. The foreman lay shuddering on the ground. From his swollen eye, he watched as the taskmaster turned and walked away.

His spirit was crushed by the blows. He lay broken on the ground. The cruelty of the beating clung to him, and he could not escape its grasp. It was unfair. He had done nothing wrong. He had attempted to execute all the wishes of Pharaoh in regards to the making of bricks. The Israelites in his care had worked hard to complete the work, but the requirements of the Egyptians were impossible to fulfill. No one could do it. It was hopeless. The taskmasters had stopped providing the straw they used to make the bricks, but still required the same number of bricks as before. In spite of this, they had labored with all they had to please their masters. The reward for this effort was the beating he had just endured.

To make it worse, Moses had promised them that God was going to deliver them from this cruel slavery. He had placed such hope in those words. His hope now turned to anger. As he lay on the ground, bitterness swept over him, and he sobbed uncontrollably.

When finally he had the chance to confront Moses, his words were not kind. “May the Lord look on you and judge,” he sneered, “because you have made us stink in the sight of Pharaoh and his servants, and have put a sword in their hand to kill us.”

Moses winced. The words stabbed him to the heart. The foreman gave Moses one last look of disdain and then turned and hurried away.

Moses watched him as he left. His mind was reeling from the exchange. The words echoed similar concerns in his own heart. Hadn’t God promised to deliver them? Why on earth would God bring such cruelty upon those he promised to set free? Finally, in frustration, he turned his gaze heavenward. “O Lord,” he cried, “why have you done evil to this people? Why did you ever send me? For since I came to Pharaoh to speak in your name, he has done evil to this people, and you have not delivered your people at all.”

(Adapted from Exodus 5:6-23, ESV).

His words echo across the centuries to us today. “Why, God, after all you have promised, why…”

This is one of the greatest challenges we face when we are living by faith. We step out in faith to trust God. We believe he is going to provide. We feebly trust his promises. We wait patiently for the provision, and then nothing happens. Or worse, the situation deteriorates. The beatings commence. You’re left holding onto a scrap of hope as you lift swollen eyes to the heavens and ask, “Why?”

Herein lies the quandary. God promises to be faithful. He promises to provide. But what do you do when the provision is slow to come, or the situation gets even worse? What do you do? What will you do if this happens to you? How do we proceed? The answer is that we move forward by looking back. When your present circumstances are devastating, and the way forward is unclear, look back to the place where you last heard from God.

God had promised that he would deliver the Israelites from the cruel grip of the Egyptians. He had clearly communicated this to Moses, and then through Moses and Aaron to the Israelites who were slaves in Egypt. When they heard the news, “the people believed; and when they heard that the Lord had visited the people of Israel and that he had seen their affliction, they bowed their heads and worshipped” (Exodus 4:31, ESV).

Their belief led them to a place of worship. But then the fulfillment of the promise was slow to come. In fact, their situation got worse. Then, when the promise seemed so distant, their unbelief led them to a place of despair. If we are not careful, the same thing can happen to us.

The reality is that God’s promise had not changed. The problem was that they had not anticipated that the fulfillment of the promise might lead through horrible circumstances. This is where many of us stumble. We know what God has promised, but we are unaware that the fulfillment may come through a devastating trial.

Most of us have heard incredible stories of God’s miraculous provision. We celebrate these moments. But if we are not careful, we can miss the multitude of unspoken stories of times when living by faith led to moments of great trial. We do not celebrate those quite as much. But they are both from the hand of the same God.

Personally, I can relate to the situation with the foreman and Moses. I’ve lived by faith since January of 1997. I’ve had times of miraculous provision when God showed his glory in my circumstances. I’ve celebrated those moments. I’ve also had times when I have felt that all was lost. I have questioned God. At times I’ve struggled greatly. I’ve labored. I’ve felt the loneliness of the desert. I’ve lifted my eyes to the heavens and cried, “Why, God? Why did you ever send me?”

Thankfully, God is still faithful, even when our humanity blinds us to his faithfulness.

It is okay to ask God, “Why?” God can handle it. I appreciate that Moses lifted his eyes to God and asked, “Why?” We know the end of the story because it is recorded for us in Scripture. We know that God eventually set his people free and showed his glory in the process. But Moses did not have that luxury. He was living out the story for our benefit. God did not condemn him for asking, “Why?” God loved him. God understands our humanity. “For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust” (Psalm 103:14, ESV).

The foreman did not have the luxury of hindsight either. In the moment he felt the rod slamming against him, he had no idea his story would be recorded for our encouragement thousands of years later. He had no way of knowing he would be an example of enduring in the midst of devastating circumstances. All he knew was that he was hurting from one end of his body to the other. He could not process that God was faithful. He was simply hurting and angry with Moses for telling him that God was going to set them free. He is an example of our humanity, and we benefit from his trial.

In these moments of confusion when the way forward seems unclear, look back and cling to the promise of God. We have no way of knowing the beginning from the end, but God knows the whole story. Continue to persevere, even when hope seems lost. We have no way of knowing if our trial will be an example to others. We are not able to see the bigger picture. That is okay. We may falter, but God is faithful. God’s ways are not our ways. He exists in a realm that we cannot even comprehend. But he is faithful.

God eventually fulfilled the promise to Moses, the foreman, and the rest of the people of Israel. Some carried scars from the journey, but all were set free.

Look back to the promise when the way forward is unclear.

This article was originally published in the March 2016 Newsletter.

May 03

2017

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By Timothy Mark

In Uncategorized

Tags Abraham Corinthians Faith Obedience Trials Waiting

Ishmael Moments

Abram sat in the door of his tent and pondered the idea. His wife Sarai had come to him earlier in the day with a radical thought. She was barren and longed for a child. She also had a handmaid, an Egyptian, whose name was Hagar. What if Abram took Hagar as his wife? She could be a surrogate mother for Sarai. It made sense. It was logical. It also interested Abram because ten years earlier God has promised him that he would be the father of a great nation. At this point, he was childless. Perhaps this was a way that he could see the fulfillment of the promise. It was an intriguing thought.

After much internal debate, at last he consented. It made perfect sense. It would solve so many problems. Abram took Hagar as his wife. In time, she bore a son. The son’s name was Ishmael. The world would never be the same. Unfortunately, this child was not the fulfillment of the promise God had made years earlier.

Abram would later be renamed Abraham. Sarai would later be renamed Sarah. Twenty-five years after the original promise, Abraham and Sarah saw the true fulfillment in the way God intended. Against all odds or human reasoning, Sarah gave birth when she was ninety-one years old. They named the boy Isaac. The nation that would come from their union would become the nation of Israel today.

Today, the religion adhered to by most of Ishmael’s descendants is the fastest growing religion in the world, Islam. Ishmael’s descendants fill the ranks of ISIS, Al Qaeda, and Hamas. If only Abram had been willing to wait on God! How different would our world look today?

In Abram’s reasoning, he had figured out a way to help God. I call these moments “Ishmael Moments.” They are the moments when we debate giving God a hand in fulfilling his promises. They never end well.

Last month I wrote about the idea that when we follow God by faith, sometimes faith and obedience go hand in hand. We obey in faith when we have a clear directive from God. But what do you do when the path forward is not so clear? You’ve been praying and seeking God’s direction. Perhaps you think you have figured out a way that you can help God fulfill his promise. It makes sense. It is completely logical. Be very, very careful. You may be experiencing an Ishmael Moment.

Let me be very clear here. God does not need my help in fulfilling his promises! Obedience? Yes. But God does not need me to figure out how I can make his promise a reality. This is where I think many of us struggle. I know I do.

I have a situation in my life right now. I have prayed about it extensively. I have seen God at work in other areas of my life, so I know he is aware of my circumstances. I believe his promise regarding the situation. But I feel stranded in the Valley of Wait. As I waited, I figured out a possible solution. Then I brought my idea to God. I prayed, “Hey God, what if I did this? What do you think?” All I got in response was silence. Undeterred, I continued to pray about my solution. After all, it just made sense. So I repeatedly asked God about my idea. I sought counsel from other godly friends, but no one had any clarity on the issue. I read the word of God looking for advice. Zip. Nada. Nothing. Still I continued to pray! Surely my idea had merit. Surely it would be a blessing if I helped God out. It was so logical, but it was not from faith. It was an Ishmael Moment.

So why does God cause us to wait? Why does God drag out the fulfilling of a promise in our lives? Perhaps he is waiting for us to learn a lesson.

Thousands of years after that pivotal moment for Abram, Paul faced a great trial when he was ministering in Asia. He briefly mentions it in his second letter to the church in Corinth. This is what he says:

“For we do not want you to be ignorant, brothers, of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death” (2 Corinthians 1:8-9, ESV).

That is quite a trial! The affliction was so severe that they felt completely helpless. They had even lost hope that they would survive the situation. In their minds, they felt like they had been sentenced to death. This is no small trial we are talking about. Perhaps you can relate.

What is important to note is Paul’s understanding of the value of the trial. He says, “But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead” (2 Corinthians 1:9, ESV). God’s purpose in the situation was to bring them to the point where they understood their reliance must be in God alone, not in their own abilities. This is very important.

When you and I face Ishmael Moments we have a choice to make. Will we figure out a way out of the situation, or will we rely on God alone?

When I read Paul’s words the other day, it was a moment of clarity for me regarding my own challenge. I immediately saw what God was trying to teach me through this time of waiting. My reliance must be in God alone! There is no room in this equation for me to help God out with my own great ideas. It must be God or nothing. Either God will come through, or I will continue to wait until he does. For me, learning to rely on God alone is far more important than a resolution of my situation.

My friend, what is your Ishmael Moment? What is in your life right now that you are trying to figure out? The situation has dragged on and on. It feels like God has forgotten you. As time has worn on, you’ve come up with a solution that you think will help God out. Right now you are debating whether to move forward or not. For some reason, however, there is no clarity, no clear word from God on what you should do. It may be your Ishmael Moment. You have a choice to make. Will you wait to move forward until you have a clear word from God? Will you rely on God alone, or will you try to give God a hand? Choose carefully my friend. The consequences could be more devastating than you could possibly imagine.

This article was originally published in the February 2016 Newsletter.

May 03

2017

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By Timothy Mark

In Uncategorized

Tags Persecution Suffering Timothy Trials

Sharing Suffering

As I write this, my heart is heavy for the families of the 21 Egyptian Christian men who were martyred on Sunday, February 15. I wept when I heard the news. The Muslim extremists singled them out because they were Christians. When they were forced to kneel before their executioners, surely Jesus stood. They gave their lives rather than renounce the name of Jesus Christ.

Before this tragedy unfolded, I had been working on this devotional. For some reason, my spirit had been stirred up in regard to suffering for the cause of Christ. Personally, I am not going through a trial myself. I was simply reading through Paul’s letters to his friend Timothy, and I was struck by what he wrote.

When I read through both of Paul’s letters in one sitting, I was startled by the difference between the two. The first letter is upbeat and encouraging. It is straightforward, and full of simple instructions about the operation of the church. But the second letter is haunting. It is much more somber in tone. We do not know how much time passed between the writing of the two letters, but when Paul wrote the second letter, the circumstances in his life had completely changed. He was facing execution. Most of his friends had abandoned him. He was in prison. He felt alone. He was suffering greatly.

I examined his second letter and separated statements he wrote about himself from statements he wrote about Timothy. Consider some of the statements Paul wrote about himself:

“I remember you constantly…. I remember your tears…. I long to see you…. All who are in Asia turned away from me…. I am suffering…. I endure everything…. I am already being poured out as a drink offering…. The time of my departure has come…. I have finished the race…. I have kept the faith…. Demas has deserted me…. Luke alone is with me…. Alexander the coppersmith did me great harm…. At my first defense no one came to stand by me, but all deserted me…. The lord stood by me and strengthened me….” (from 2 Timothy 1:3-4:17, ESV).

When you read his thoughts about himself, can you feel the depth of suffering he is enduring? I can. It unsettles me. His letter bleeds between the lines. This is the man who had planted churches throughout Asia. His writings fill the New Testament with instructions we treasure today. He doesn’t even mention suffering in his first letter to Timothy. Yet at the end of his life he feels alone and abandoned. He is suffering greatly.

It is in this context that Paul is writing to Timothy. When we understand the depth of Paul’s suffering, we can better understand the instructions Paul gives him. Consider these statements:

“Therefore do not be ashamed of the testimony about our Lord, nor of me his prisoner, but share in suffering for the gospel by the power of God” (2 Timothy 1:8, ESV).

“Share in suffering as a good soldier of Christ Jesus” (2 Timothy 2:3, ESV).

“As for you, always be sober-minded, endure suffering, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry” (2 Timothy 4:5, ESV).

When we suffer, often we feel we are alone in the suffering. It is human nature. Paul seems to be saying to Timothy, “I feel alone. I’m struggling greatly. Please bear the burden with me. Share in suffering with me for the cause of Christ.” If Paul, the great apostle and author of much of the New Testament, could feel this way, it is likely that you and I could experience similar emotions.

It is also likely that many of our brothers and sisters around the world feel the same toward the North American church. Around the world, many Christians are experiencing suffering through trials we never imagined possible in the 21st century. Almost daily there are news reports of Christians being killed, kidnapped, or losing their homes, even fleeing with only the clothes on their backs. Are we aware of their suffering? Are we suffering with them? Surely they must wonder.

On Friday, as I was writing this devotional, I wrote these words:

“I don’t know who you are. I don’t know for whom I am writing this. But even as I have been writing, the Holy Spirit has pressed upon me so heavily to pray for you. Even though I do not know your name, I am praying for you now. You are ready to quit. You feel alone. I am praying that you will have a clear awareness of the presence of God with you. I am praying that the Holy Spirit will strengthen you. I am praying that in the midst of your trial you will lift up your eyes onto the hills, from which your help comes. Your help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth. You are not alone, so stand firm. Don’t quit. With Paul I plead with you to share in suffering as a good soldier of Christ Jesus. Endure suffering, do the work of an evangelist, fulfill your ministry.”

At the time I wrote those words, I thought it was odd. I don’t normally pray like that. The heaviness I felt in that moment was profound. I had tears in my eyes as I was praying. On Monday, I resumed writing this devotional, but the news of the 21 men who had died the night before was heavy on my heart. It occurred to me that on Friday the Holy Spirit may have led me to pray for those men who were facing the end of their lives. It is possible that I was unknowingly praying for them. Perhaps that is why I felt so heavy for whomever I was praying. It is haunting me now. Perhaps the Holy Spirit was leading me to share in their suffering without my even knowing with whom I was suffering.

It is also possible that those words are for you. You may be suffering as you read this. You may be a pastor or other Christian leader and you are ready to quit. You are crying out for someone to share in suffering for the gospel by the power of God. You may be a husband or a wife and are suffering greatly. Inside you long for someone to share in your suffering as a good soldier of Christ Jesus. You may be a student and your peers are mocking you for your faith. You’re looking for a friend to help you to endure suffering, to do the work of an evangelist, to fulfill your ministry.

My friend, if you find yourself in a place of suffering today, you are not alone. God knows exactly what is going on in your life and may even put your need on the hearts of others in the body of Christ to pray for you. Find a fellow follower of Christ with whom you can share your burden. Allow others to come along side you in your time of trial.

Will we answer the call? Will we share with them in their suffering? Will we bear the burden our brothers and sisters are bearing even now? When we are not suffering personally, we have a responsibility to share in the suffering of those who are going through a trial. Paul’s encouragement is for all of us. When one part of the body suffers, the whole body suffers.

Be a burden bearer. Pray as the Holy Spirit leads. Act as God allows. Share in suffering.

I close with a prophetic word from the Apostle Paul, written to Timothy, yet ringing out to our generation as well.

“Understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty” (2 Timothy 3:1, ESV).

This article was originally published in the March 2015 Newsletter.

May 02

2017

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By Timothy Mark

In Uncategorized

Tags 1 John Enduring Hebrews John Joy Romans Trials

For the Joy Set Before You

The following was originally published in the March 2013 newsletter.

It was the final day of installation of the new flooring in my home. I had already covered about a thousand square feet and only a small bedroom remained. I would be finished in a matter of hours. I could count the time in hours instead of days. The end was finally in sight. For the past two weeks I had worked on the floors nearly ten hours a day, six days a week, and my body was nearly broken. My feet hurt badly. Kneeling for hours at a time meant my toes were bent in a painful position. My legs hurt from countless times of squatting to work on the floor and then standing to get supplies, cut a board, or reach for more glue. My legs hurt, my feet hurt, my back hurt, my hands hurt. My body was broken. After several weeks of work, I could hardly walk when I got out of bed in the morning.

But this day was different. It was the final day of installation. I held a cup of hot coffee in my hand as the rising sun illuminated the room. The thought that in about four hours I would be finished sent a ripple down my arm. The work was nearly complete. The end was within sight.

I gathered supplies and set to work, and then a strange thing happened. A sense of joy settled on me. I celebrated each board as it was glued to the next. My body still hurt deeply, but as I rose to take another board to the chop saw, pure joy flooded my heart. It was one of the most vivid experiences of joy I have ever known. Although all the pain was still there, it was smothered by the joy that had overtaken me.

In that moment, a Scripture verse came to my mind and I paused in the middle of the floor to contemplate the thought. A passage in Hebrews describing Jesus on the cross says a very remarkable thing. “…who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross…” (Hebrews 12:2, ESV). Is it possible that in the midst of the crucifixion Christ experienced joy?

As I continued laying the flooring, this thought kept haunting my mind, until finally the last board was in place. I was ecstatic! My body still hurt deeply but I danced around the room in celebration of the completion of what I had set out to do. I lifted my arms and spun around the smooth floors shouting for joy. I sent a text to several friends of mine. “It is fiiiiiiiiiiinnniiiiiissshed!!!!!!!!!! :)” I wrote. The joy was overwhelming.

I had finished the work. I had completed what I had set out to do. It was finished. I sat down and took off the knee pads one final time. I took off my shoes and rubbed my weary feet. I cannot describe how good that moment felt. I was reminded once again of the verse that had come to my mind earlier. So I looked up the passage to see exactly what it said.

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted” (Hebrews 12:1-3, ESV).

In the past I have read this and assumed that when it spoke of “the joy that was set before him” it was referring to something in the future, as if Christ endured the cross because he knew the joy he would experience after the crucifixion and he was reunited with his Father. But that is not all this passage is saying. When it speaks of the joy being set before him, it includes the idea of a gift being laid at his feet. The object is set before you; it is given to you in that moment, for that moment. So another way to look at the phrase “for the joy that was set before him” would be to say “because of the joy that was given to him”.

I asked myself, did Christ experience pure joy in the midst of the crucifixion? Was he given joy for that moment? Did he understand he was completing the work he was placed on the earth to do? Did joy flood his heart as the hammer drove the nails into his hands? His body was beaten beyond recognition and he was weary beyond words. But in that moment, did God the Father set before him a gift of joy? When he shouted, “It is finished”, was it a moment of celebration? Was he dancing on the inside even as he was dying on the outside? I believe so.

The question then remains, does God do the same for us? Does he set before us a gift of joy in the midst of our trials? I believe he does. Consider these passages:

“Truly, truly, I say to you, whatever you ask of the Father in my name, he will give it to you. Until now you have asked nothing in my name. Ask, and you will receive, that your joy may be full” (John 16:23b-24, ESV).

“And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we have asked of him” (1 John 5:14-15, ESV).

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope” (Romans 15:13, ESV).

My friend, are you in the midst of a trial today? Perhaps you are weary from the fight. You are broken and hurting. The idea of joy in the midst of your pain seems impossible. I understand, but God longs to meet you in the midst of your trial and to set before you joy, to give you the gift of joy. He gives us his presence during our difficult days. As David wrote, “In your presence there is fullness of joy” (Psalm 16:11, ESV). In the middle of our circumstances, he meets us with his overwhelming presence and we find joy. In spite of the pain, in spite of the trial, joy. Pure joy.

Perhaps today you simply need to ask God to give you joy in the midst of your trial “so that by the power of the Holy Spirit, you may abound in hope”. I pray that you will. What if God is waiting for you to ask?

I’m grateful to have the floors finished. But I am even more grateful for the way the Holy Spirit ministered to me. I’m grateful for his presence. I’m grateful for his kindness to me. I’m grateful for the way he whispers his love to me throughout the day. I’m grateful for his presence in the midst of difficult times.

I’m grateful for the joy that was set before me.

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