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Moving Forward by Looking Back

He struggled to gain his balance as another blow landed upon his back. His body lurched forward, and he fell to the ground, blood dripping from his nose. Without pausing, the Egyptian taskmaster again brought the rod down hard upon him. He tried to crawl away to avoid the blows, but the taskmaster only smirked and hit him again. The beating was merciless. The Israelite foreman didn’t know how much more he could take. He lay exhausted on the ground, gasping for air. Every fiber within him burned. Finally there was a pause. A sickening silence hung in the air. At last the taskmaster tossed the rod aside. It landed beside him with a thud. The foreman lay shuddering on the ground. From his swollen eye, he watched as the taskmaster turned and walked away.

His spirit was crushed by the blows. He lay broken on the ground. The cruelty of the beating clung to him, and he could not escape its grasp. It was unfair. He had done nothing wrong. He had attempted to execute all the wishes of Pharaoh in regards to the making of bricks. The Israelites in his care had worked hard to complete the work, but the requirements of the Egyptians were impossible to fulfill. No one could do it. It was hopeless. The taskmasters had stopped providing the straw they used to make the bricks, but still required the same number of bricks as before. In spite of this, they had labored with all they had to please their masters. The reward for this effort was the beating he had just endured.

To make it worse, Moses had promised them that God was going to deliver them from this cruel slavery. He had placed such hope in those words. His hope now turned to anger. As he lay on the ground, bitterness swept over him, and he sobbed uncontrollably.

When finally he had the chance to confront Moses, his words were not kind. “May the Lord look on you and judge,” he sneered, “because you have made us stink in the sight of Pharaoh and his servants, and have put a sword in their hand to kill us.”

Moses winced. The words stabbed him to the heart. The foreman gave Moses one last look of disdain and then turned and hurried away.

Moses watched him as he left. His mind was reeling from the exchange. The words echoed similar concerns in his own heart. Hadn’t God promised to deliver them? Why on earth would God bring such cruelty upon those he promised to set free? Finally, in frustration, he turned his gaze heavenward. “O Lord,” he cried, “why have you done evil to this people? Why did you ever send me? For since I came to Pharaoh to speak in your name, he has done evil to this people, and you have not delivered your people at all.”

(Adapted from Exodus 5:6-23, ESV).

His words echo across the centuries to us today. “Why, God, after all you have promised, why…”

This is one of the greatest challenges we face when we are living by faith. We step out in faith to trust God. We believe he is going to provide. We feebly trust his promises. We wait patiently for the provision, and then nothing happens. Or worse, the situation deteriorates. The beatings commence. You’re left holding onto a scrap of hope as you lift swollen eyes to the heavens and ask, “Why?”

Herein lies the quandary. God promises to be faithful. He promises to provide. But what do you do when the provision is slow to come, or the situation gets even worse? What do you do? What will you do if this happens to you? How do we proceed? The answer is that we move forward by looking back. When your present circumstances are devastating, and the way forward is unclear, look back to the place where you last heard from God.

God had promised that he would deliver the Israelites from the cruel grip of the Egyptians. He had clearly communicated this to Moses, and then through Moses and Aaron to the Israelites who were slaves in Egypt. When they heard the news, “the people believed; and when they heard that the Lord had visited the people of Israel and that he had seen their affliction, they bowed their heads and worshipped” (Exodus 4:31, ESV).

Their belief led them to a place of worship. But then the fulfillment of the promise was slow to come. In fact, their situation got worse. Then, when the promise seemed so distant, their unbelief led them to a place of despair. If we are not careful, the same thing can happen to us.

The reality is that God’s promise had not changed. The problem was that they had not anticipated that the fulfillment of the promise might lead through horrible circumstances. This is where many of us stumble. We know what God has promised, but we are unaware that the fulfillment may come through a devastating trial.

Most of us have heard incredible stories of God’s miraculous provision. We celebrate these moments. But if we are not careful, we can miss the multitude of unspoken stories of times when living by faith led to moments of great trial. We do not celebrate those quite as much. But they are both from the hand of the same God.

Personally, I can relate to the situation with the foreman and Moses. I’ve lived by faith since January of 1997. I’ve had times of miraculous provision when God showed his glory in my circumstances. I’ve celebrated those moments. I’ve also had times when I have felt that all was lost. I have questioned God. At times I’ve struggled greatly. I’ve labored. I’ve felt the loneliness of the desert. I’ve lifted my eyes to the heavens and cried, “Why, God? Why did you ever send me?”

Thankfully, God is still faithful, even when our humanity blinds us to his faithfulness.

It is okay to ask God, “Why?” God can handle it. I appreciate that Moses lifted his eyes to God and asked, “Why?” We know the end of the story because it is recorded for us in Scripture. We know that God eventually set his people free and showed his glory in the process. But Moses did not have that luxury. He was living out the story for our benefit. God did not condemn him for asking, “Why?” God loved him. God understands our humanity. “For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust” (Psalm 103:14, ESV).

The foreman did not have the luxury of hindsight either. In the moment he felt the rod slamming against him, he had no idea his story would be recorded for our encouragement thousands of years later. He had no way of knowing he would be an example of enduring in the midst of devastating circumstances. All he knew was that he was hurting from one end of his body to the other. He could not process that God was faithful. He was simply hurting and angry with Moses for telling him that God was going to set them free. He is an example of our humanity, and we benefit from his trial.

In these moments of confusion when the way forward seems unclear, look back and cling to the promise of God. We have no way of knowing the beginning from the end, but God knows the whole story. Continue to persevere, even when hope seems lost. We have no way of knowing if our trial will be an example to others. We are not able to see the bigger picture. That is okay. We may falter, but God is faithful. God’s ways are not our ways. He exists in a realm that we cannot even comprehend. But he is faithful.

God eventually fulfilled the promise to Moses, the foreman, and the rest of the people of Israel. Some carried scars from the journey, but all were set free.

Look back to the promise when the way forward is unclear.

This article was originally published in the March 2016 Newsletter.

Waiting for direction

When I left the airport it was already past 10:00 p.m., and I was looking forward to getting settled into the hotel for the night. The day had been long. I was tired from leaving home, driving to Tampa, parking the car, taking the shuttle to the airport, navigating security, boarding a flight, switching planes in Atlanta, boarding another flight, arriving in Manchester, New Hampshire, and getting my rental car for the ride to the hotel.

In the parking garage at the airport, I pulled up the map app on my phone and typed in the address to the Motel 6. It took a moment for the GPS to load, but soon the directions to the hotel were displayed on the screen. I set the phone to start navigating, and in the darkness of the car I heard the automated voice say, “Turn left onto Airport Road.” I turned out of the parking lot and onto the road exiting the airport.

That was when it happened the first time. I had set the phone where I could see the map of the road as I was driving. The little navigation arrow is supposed to show you where you are on the map and let you know where your next turn will be. But as I looked at the screen, nothing was happening. The little arrow was frozen still. The map was not refreshing. I was quickly coming to a roundabout and I could only guess which direction I was supposed to go without the aide of the GPS. I turned right, hoping it was correct. But a few moments later the GPS came back to life and told me to turn around at the next possible opportunity. I was going in the wrong direction. I turned the car around and drove back to the traffic circle. This time I exited the proper road and followed it along, still trying to make my way to the motel.

Unfortunately, this scenario was repeated over and over again. Clearly something was wrong either with my phone or the map app. Every mile or so I would hear an automated voice drone, “GPS signal is lost.” I had no idea where I was going. I would pull off the road, reset the phone, get the GPS to connect again, and start back on my journey. This happened over and over again. Frustration grew with every delay. I was helpless without the directions. I was tired. I just wanted to get to the hotel, but I was completely lost without some guidance along the way. Finally, I sat in the car on the side of the road and in exasperation I spoke to God.

“You know, God, this is great,” I said. “This is exactly how I feel in my relationship with you. I keep coming to you for direction, and I am not talking about the motel. I’m talking about my relationship with you. I don’t know the way I should go. All I keep hearing is, ‘GPS signal is lost.’ I keep feeling like I am disconnected. I try to reconnect with you, but the next thing I know I feel lost again. All I want is direction, so this is perfect, just perfect.”

As I sat on the side of the road with the engine idling, I imagined somewhere in the heavens, God smiled, not in a mean way, but in an all-knowing kind of understanding of my situation. You see, this is not the first time he has heard this prayer. He has heard it for centuries.

In fact, if you look back about 5,000 years you can hear a similar prayer spoken by Moses as he led the people of Israel through the wilderness. They were following God. God even made the path extremely clear by providing a pillar of cloud during the day and a pillar of fire during the night to hover over them. When the pillar moved, they moved. When the pillar stood still, the people stayed put. This is how Moses describes it:

“And the LORD went before them by day in a pillar of cloud to lead them along the way, and by night in a pillar of fire to give them light, that they might travel by day and by night. The pillar of cloud by day and the pillar of fire by night did not depart from before the people” (Exodus 13:21-22, ESV).

But even with this dramatic display of the presence of God directing them, Moses still got frustrated with God. Moses didn’t just need physical direction; he needed direction on how to lead the entire nation. You may remember that Moses and the Lord used to speak face to face as a man speaks with a friend. It was a remarkable relationship. But even with this kind of connection with God, Moses still gets frustrated. On one occasion Moses said to God, “See, you say to me, ‘Bring up this people,’ but you have not let me know whom you will send with me. Yet you have said, ‘I know you by name, and you have also found favor in my sight.’ Now therefore, if I have found favor in your sight, please show me now your ways, that I may know you in order to find favor in your sight. Consider too that this nation is your people” (Exodus 33:12-13, ESV, emphasis added).

Can you hear the frustration in his voice? I can. Because sometimes that is how I feel as well. I believe God has shown his favor on my life. I believe he has given me the gift of his presence so clearly in my life. I relish my relationship with him. Yet sometimes I feel frustrated and cry out, “Please, show me now your ways! Show me the path. I need your direction.”

Look also at the final phrase in Moses’ statement. “Consider too that this nation is your people.” When I read that, I nearly laughed out loud. It is as if Moses is saying to God, “Oh, and by the way, this whole ‘Nation of Israel’ thing, that was your idea, not mine.” That’s funny!

I think it makes me laugh because at the core of it, sometimes that’s how I see my life and ministry as well. It may surprise you to know that I could gladly quit the ministry, buy a sailboat, and sail off into the sunset. Really. I do this ministry thing only because I believe it is what God has called me to do. So in times of waiting, I tend to want to say with Moses, “Oh, and by the way, this whole ministry thing was your idea.”

Gratefully, God understands our weaknesses. I am thankful for his patience when mine is failing. God patiently listens to Moses’ complaint and then answers with a simple phrase.

“My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest” (Exodus 33:14, ESV).

Moses replies, “If your presence will not go with me, do not bring us up from here. For how shall it be known that I have found favor in your sight, I and your people? Is it not in your going with us, so that we are distinct, I and your people, from every other people on the face of the earth?”

And the LORD said to Moses, “This very thing that you have spoken I will do, for you have found favor in my sight, and I know you by name.”

Moses said, “Please show me your glory” (Exodus 33:15-18, ESV).

I am aware that I am quoting a lot of text from this passage. But I have shared this for a reason. A subtle shift happens here in this dialog, and if we are not careful we can miss it. But it is very, very important.

In the beginning of his conversation with God, Moses cries, “Please, show me your ways. Give me direction!” God patiently reminds Moses that his presence will go with him and that he will give him rest.

Upon understanding the presence of God is with him, Moses changes his request. This time he asks God to show him his glory. It is an understated but important shift. Moses was reminded that the presence of God was with him. When he remembers this, he no longer cares where he is going or how he is going to get there. He only cares about who is going with him. He only wants to see his glory. “Please,” he says, “show me your glory. Show me who you are. I want to know you.”

Friend, it is possible that God leads us to wait in order to bring us to the place where we long only to know him more, to see his glory unveiled in our lives. We desire to know his direction for our lives. But instead of giving us direction, he leads us to the place where we care less about where we are going and instead focus on who is going with us. In reality, where we are going really doesn’t matter, only that he goes with us.

I am reminded of Jesus. Remember that he was God in the flesh, the same God who sat and talked with Moses face to face, who walked among us and breathed the air that we breathe.

Thomas, one of the disciples, was speaking with Jesus. “Lord,” he said, “we do not know where you are going. How can we know the way?”

Jesus said to him, “I am the way…” (John 13:5-6, ESV).

This, I believe, is the conclusion to the matter. In our moments of weakness when we feel like we are sitting on the side of the road waiting for direction, God comes to us and reminds us that he is near. In our awareness of his presence, suddenly the direction we are going becomes unimportant. He himself is the way. He is enough. He is sufficient. Because I know him who is The Way, I no longer need to know the way.

My friend, God knows exactly where you are. In his wisdom, he sees the entire landscape set out around you. Better than that little arrow on the GPS, he knows where you are. He is not disconnected from you. In fact, it is quite the opposite. He is with you. It is possible that he has allowed you to be in a place of waiting so that you will find that his presence is enough. When you find his presence is near, then you know he is there with you in the waiting. Find him to be enough. Find that his presence is more important than anything you could be doing. Rest in him. Come to the place where you cry out for his glory instead of his direction.

I eventually made it to the hotel. What should have taken 20 minutes to drive took me almost an hour. But I did finally make it. Along the way I did learn an important truth. When you’re waiting for direction, where you are going is less important than who is going with you.

This article was originally published in the August 2014 Newsletter.